Saturday, July 6, 2013

Chapter 34: Stuck


It's been a few days since Titanium woke up in the clinic with Camo, hooked up to an IV that delivered him the essential fluids that he'd lost over the past week he'd been in Isolation. The heart monitor slowly beeped, keeping track of his vital signs. Titanium was weak when he was pulled out of Isolation, much weaker than Camo. When he was first brought to the clinic, his heart beat barely registered on the heart monitor. He drifted in and out of consciousness the first two days, and there were times the nurses thought he might go into a coma and never wake up. Camo was luckier, however, he was tired of course, and malnourished, just as Titanium was, but he was never on the verge of being comatose. Any time his eyes were closed, it was because he was asleep.


Titanium and Camo have since returned to the general population of The Compound, walking around, going to class, attending the weekly gathering, and visiting the cafeteria. They sit in front of the fountain together again, enjoying each other's company. They play pool at the pool table The Leader bought for them. They continue to be roommates despite the suspicious activity they were supposedly caught doing. The Leader greets them with a warm smile as they pass him in the cafeteria. Things seem normal again, but the normalcy is far from the truth. Barry walks by, causing shivers to go through Titanium's entire being. Camo notices and is saddened by it, but is unable to give him a reassuring pat on the back or a friendly hug, for fear of being thrown into the cells of hell again.


Titanium may have recovered from being on the brink of death, but he has not recovered from the mental damage that the assault instilled in him. He hasn't been able to set foot in the library since the day it happened and he cries constantly. His emotional state is fractured, and he has nightmares of the incident. Sometimes Camo gets woken up by Titanium's crying, but all he can do is give him a tissue. The silent suffering Titanium is going through saddens Camo every day, and he wishes there was something he could do about it. Titanium sticks with Camo often, like he did before, but he's scared again, of everything, and refuses to leave the grounds. The progress Camo made with him to get him to open up his thinking has backtracked. Titanium appears to have become programmed again with the ways of The Compound. Titanium is afraid of getting put in Isolation again, so he is doing everything he can to be a good resident, to show The Leader that he's a good boy.


Titanium sits on his bed, with his knees up, curled up as small as he can, like he always does. Camo asked him to come to the bookstore, but Titanium doesn't want to leave The Compound. Camo rolls his eyes, but then smiles at Titanium, waves, and leaves the room. Titanium feels bad for not going with Camo because he knows deep down that it's bad for him to be here, but he's been scared into submission. He's glad Camo is being understanding and giving him space. He knows he's not dealing with this well, but he doesn't know how to snap out of it. He wants to be strong, but he's not ready to start helping himself just yet. His fear has made him weak once again.


"I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

I've become so numb

I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste is more than I can take

And I know I may end up failing too

But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb

I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be"

~ Numb by Linkin Park ~


I sit at my dining room table, exhausted from cleaning the house, top to bottom. I didn't expect this to be the start of my weekend, especially after working on the movie set for ten to twelve hours per day. I don't know why I didn't think my weekend would be mine to have, it never is. Maybe I naively thought time would make it better, but I was just kidding myself.

"Joliana, you tart, you didn't change the toilet paper roll, again. How many fucking times have I told you to change the goddamn roll when it gets empty?"

I hate this so much. I don't even know why I put up with her nonsense. She's been such a constant pain in my ass for a little over a year. She never gives me time to breathe, it's just one constant complaint after another.


"Well, I just got done cleaning the entire house, and I missed one thing, one thing. Do you think maybe you could cut me a little slack?"

"It's your week to do chores, it's not my fault you waited until the weekend to do it."


She is ridiculous. I have a time consuming job. It doesn't have the usual 8-5 business hours like everyone else's. It's not like I throw my shit everywhere. How did I get so unlucky to live with the Tidiness Nazi? If I make a humanly error, she chews me out until the cows come home. I don't even know why she wastes so much of her time talking to me if she doesn't like me.

"Whatever. I cleaned the house, and it's not that fucking hard to change the toilet paper roll. Do you realize you sound like a child whining about it? It would have taken you less time to change it yourself than it did coming out here and yelling at me for five minutes about it."


I get up and head to my room. I'm so tired of arguing with her, she always has to be right, even when she's wrong. The little time that I am here, I spend most of my time in my room, so I should really adjust my rent so that I am only paying for the space my room occupies. Yeah, right. I wish. The only time I set foot in the other parts of the house is when I go to work or when I clean it during my assigned chore week. Maybe I should get a boyfriend and move in with him. I'm so glad that I work with Charles. He's so easygoing and kind, patient, and doesn't jump down my throat if I make a mistake.


I'm so sick of living here. I get filled with stress every time I come back to the house. I don't even consider it a real home, it's mostly just a place for me to sleep and keep my stuff. I always feel numb when I am here. I shut down completely and just go through the motions of eating, showering, and sleeping. Maybe I should just come home when she's asleep so I don't have to listen to her yelling at me about nothing.


CREDITS:

27 comments:

  1. Thank God, Camo is getting off of the Compound grounds again- I hoped very hard that this special treatment won´t break him, but it´s good to see that he indeed has not completely given up yet ^^

    As for Joliana... seriously. She thinks SHE has problems because she is living with Ms. Tidy?! Bwahahaha. Open your eyes girl *lol*

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    1. Yeah, Camo is strong, and he didn't let those Compound jerks make him forget about the things that he believes in. Haha, you are right that Joliana's problems seem very small compared to living in a cult, but Joliana doesn't know about the cult. Going to a house where someone yells at you as soon as they see you and makes you feel useless is quite the stressful situation as well. Her eyes will be opened soon, she's only starting to be part of the story now.

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    2. Actually, annasommer, verbal and emotional abuse like that can be just as damaging to your psyche and even more so than the emotional and mental abuse going on in The Compound. Same abuse, same nigh irreparable damage, different tactic.

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  2. It's high time for an intervention! The media needs to be alerted of the goings on in this hellhole they call The Compound. Oh wait, that's kinda what's happening in the interview, right? :D

    Gee, I WONDER who Joliana is going to end up with? hehe. I can't wait to see how that plays out.

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    1. Yeah, the interview is alerting the world about the evilness. LOL, yes, Joliana is the new love interest. Thanks for reading!

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  3. I'm looking forward to seeing Camo and Titanium finally escape from that place!

    Very interested in seeing what happens with Joliana as well. That roommate, ugh. I've had roomies like that. Not fun.

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    1. Yeah, they'll get out eventually, at least we know there is a happy ending to this in that they do escape. *rolls eyes at Ms. Tidy* Roommates like that are why I started living by myself. LOL. Thank you for reading! =)

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  4. Ugh. Hopefully Camo leaving the compound still looking like crap will get certain people on the outside on the let's do something about this place wagon. Because if Verona is at the bookstore when Camo is she's not going to just let it slide. And if Camo goes to her house after work instead of going back to the compound, I doubt Charles or Absolon will either.

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    1. Camo is smart, and since he's thinking about ways he can leave, he's definitely going to go to people he knows might be able to help. Yeah, if Charles and Verona see him all beat up, they'll definitely have questions that Camo will answer. He knows what The Compound is capable of, and it does scare him, but he's not so scared that he won't speak up and tell the truth.

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  5. So good to catch up with my compound peeps! I want to punch the leader in the throat. I want to hug titanium :( I hope things look up for them both soon.

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    1. Awww yay, thanks for reading. I'm glad to see you again, amandralynn. Titanium does need a hug, it's too bad not even his best friend can do that without getting punished. *rolls eyes at The Leader* Control freak much, Leader? Camo's definitely got the wheels turning in his head wanting to get them out of there, so that's a start.

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  6. Poor Titanium, he;s right back where he was as a child, mentally. I really hope he and Camo can get out soon.

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    1. Yeah, exactly, Titanium has backtracked, sadly. Camo was disappointed to see that, especially after he'd been doing so well, finally starting to trust Absolon. Camo is starting to ponder whether he can leave or not, so the want is there. He'll face some obstacles, but they'll get to their goal of leaving eventually.

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  7. I know Titanium couldn't actually die, but I was pretty sure he would. I'm proud of him for realizing that he is reacting wrongly, that he needs to do something different - instead of letting this make him think he is wrong. Sure he's scared, and he has every right to be. I have no idea how he's going to find the strength to actually leave... I just wanna give him a hug - then drug him and drag him out, lol.

    I'm excited to meet this new character, and I love that you've got a new love planned up for Charles :).

    Lol, sure what she's going through isn't as bad as Titanium and Camo - but I don't like to play the "who's troubles are worse" game. Crap talk about comparing troubles leads to crap logic about if one person's troubles "count" - and that irritates the crap out of me ;) (apparently I have a favorite word today. lol)

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    1. LOL. MandySaurus, your comment is hilarious and awesome. Titanium was very close to dying. Something I've heard about is where if people are like unhappy with their life, and have a near death experience, some of them like lose the will to want to continue fighting, it's like their body wants to shut down because it doesn't give a... crap anymore. LOL. I wanted to show the difference between Camo and Titanium's willpower, and how Titanium was almost dead/comatose because he was weaker. I'm glad you caught the part where Titanium isn't blaming himself even though he has backtracked a lot in the fear department. He's the prime example of some cult members who only stay there because they are afraid, not because they actually think it's right.
      Haha, yeah, Charles deserves better than that sorry excuse for a wife he had before. *rolls eyes at Kalya* *punches Kalya*
      That roommate... ARGH. LOL. It's stressful to come home and be yelled at and made to feel worthless. This situation came from personal experience too... unfortunately. LOL. Joliana's situation is sort of the same kind of trapped situation that Camo and Titanium are in, only less life and death-ish. LOL.
      Comparing troubles is kind of weird because not everyone goes through the same troubles, and most people won't go through the exact same thing someone else did, so their definition of hard times will be different. When a person is in the midst of the problem, the problem always appears very strong and unpleasant. LOL, I'm agreeing with you, in a long winded way. =D

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    2. Mandysaurus, I COMPLETELY agree with you. Your troubles are your own and no one has the right to say "you should stop whining 'cause such and such is worse."
      LateKnightSimmer, I feel for you going through the same situation. I personally have endured serious mental and emotional abuse. It takes a lot out of you and pushes you down into a hole that's extremely difficult to crawl out of. Took me years to recover from being suicidal because I was always made to feel like my death would change nothing because I was worthless. My family has endured 3 generations of mentally and emotionally abusive parents are even siblings (don't even get me started on extended family). I'm just hoping I don't somehow treat my kids the same.

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    3. @Andy Nicole Chaisson,
      Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you went through your abuse as well. I think I myself am stronger now that I've managed to pull myself out of it, and live a mostly normal life. Of course I still have my bad days, but they're nowhere near as bad as they used to be. I hope you too are stronger from your ordeal.

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  8. Poor Camo and Titanium. I wonder what Verona's reaction to all of Camo's bruises is going to be, she'll probably be pissed! Hahaha Titanium needs to gtfo of there, for his own sake and safety, Camo, too. :(
    OoooOoo Joliana's cute. Her roommate is such a bitch, ugh. Gasp! She mentioned Charles, too. :O I wonder what's going to happen with that!
    Great chapter. :D

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    1. Thank you! =)
      Yeah, they are in real danger now. The Leader's got his eye on them, since that day... =(
      Verona is not going to be happy someone messed up her pretty boyfriend's face like that. LOL. Camo's got to think of some way to get Titanium to leave, at least he's thinking about it. Poor Titanium knows it's dangerous as hell in there but he's so scared of the danger he is stuck. At least he's not brainwashed enough to blame himself.
      Teehee, I'm glad you like Joliana. Haha, yeah she works with Charles, and now that he's not with that crazy bitch of a woman anymore... =D Sparks may fly...? Maybe. LOL. I just want to punch her roommate's lights out. Seriously whining over such a tiny thing like that? Get a life. Jeez. LOL.

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  9. I've been reading this whole story, and, wow, it is intense! I understand it's to a degree based on a personal experience :-(, and I have to say I'm very impressed, you must be very brave to be writing about this :-).

    I'm so worried for Camo and Titanium right now, so badly wounded both physically and psychologically. Only I get the feeling things will start moving fast from now on; surely Verona will DO something the moment she sees the state Camo is in.

    And now I'm very curious about Joliana!


    PS: Your characters are really cute. I absolutely love the four of them.

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    1. Hi Marsar! Welcome! Thank you for reading this, and for your kind words. =) Yeah, at times, it's hard to write certain chapters because of the personal part of it, but overall it's been helpful to me psychologically.

      You are right that once Verona sees Camo, she will do anything to keep him from going back. Joliana's going to become more of a recurring character soon, maybe not right away, but we'll definitely be seeing more of her. =)

      Aww thanks! I'm glad you like the four of them. They are some of my favorite Sims. =) Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

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  10. Ok. Camo has to be questioned about his face once he reaches the bookstore. If he reaches it. I am worried they won't let him out. I wish Titanium had gone with him. I worry about him being left alone. Don't they have cameras? Blah, then they could have reviewed the cameras in the library.

    Joliana thought of leaving the house to live with a boyfriend and then immediately thought of Charles. hmmmm... heh

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    1. Nope no cameras. The Leader's goal for luring people in is that he poses The Compound as a homeless shelter. New recruits would get creeped out by cameras, and The Leader would never get anyone to stay. The key to new members is he has to make them feel welcome.

      The Leader potentially might not let Camo leave with his face looking like that. Camo will just have to be sneaky and leave when The Leader isn't looking or something.

      Heehee, yeah Joliana is the love interest for Charles. XD

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  11. Joliana's situation was pretty funny. Is that her roommate or a family member? I take it that, the girl is a roommate/ acquaintance or something like that lol. It's hard enough to live with your own family sometimes so I can only imagine what it's like living with a roommate...You have to respect each other to an extent and clearly Joliana's roommate isn't doing that.


    The people who control the Compound make me sick...Poor Titanium *Gives hug* and Camo *gives hug* Those monsters will deal with their karma later on. It's really sad how Titanium doesn't want to go out anymore and Barry deserves to get his ass kicked for having the nerve to walk pass Titanium and act like nothing happened...That's crazy lol.


    How come no one else in the Compound spoke up though? I mean didn't they find it odd that they had bruises all on their face.

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    1. That was a roommate. Joliana moved to Silicon Shores to get into the movie business, and she didn't have a whole lot of money, so she had to get a roommate. Unfortunately, this roommate is psycho. LOL. IKR? Joliana goes and cleans the whole house because it's her week to do chores and she gets no appreciation. *rolls eyes at her roommate*

      Barry is pretty evil, so he had no problems pretending like nothing happened, because in Barry's mind, those two got what they deserved, and he doesn't care that he assaulted Titanium. What's happened to Titanium is often why cult members stay where they are even though they don't like it, they're so in fear that they'd rather stay and submit because it's just easier than fighting.

      "How come no one else in the Compound spoke up though?"
      Because they don't want to have bruises on their own faces. Camo and Titanium's wounds are reminders to the other residents that speaking up is bad. The other residents are afraid, too afraid, just like how Titanium feels in this chapter.

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  12. What I'm wondering is WHY did Barry assault Titanium? Is it just a remnant of his past gang life? That's what I'm assuming. Or did he know Titanium was gay so he did that whole "Oh, he's asking for it" thing. That saddens me either way.

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    1. Why Barry assaulted Titanium is because he was told to do something to shame and fear Titanium back into submission. The Leader was irritated with Titanium and Camo since they weren't "ideal residents" so he asked Barry to "cause a problem" to give The Leader a reason to throw Titanium and Camo into Isolation. Twisted... yes. Wrong. YES. LOL. Very much wrong. But that's why. This is a very fucked up place.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

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