Chapter 22: Fear

NOTE: Music Track - Play it when it shows up if you want to listen - Late`knight`simmer

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I watch Camo as he walks into the water, and I like that his shirt is getting soaked, although I wish it was white instead of orange. I follow once I feel I've ogled him enough, swim to where he is and then notice he's checking me out too. I'm glad the tennis I play at the country club seems to have fulfilled a dual purpose of keeping me fit as well as a way to take out anger. Camo smiles at me once I've joined him in the water.

"What do you want to know?"

"Hmm... I'm curious about that sex schedule. Why is that even a thing?"

"I'm not sure, that's just the way it's always been since I turned eighteen. I get put on the schedule and then I have to do it, or I get punished."

I'm so confused because I've never heard of anything like that ever. I feel like it should be filed under a 'this is wrong' section of the universe. It sounds like some weird breeding experiment to me. I'm horrified that I thought that because now I'm thinking of my poor handsome boyfriend living in some testing facility.

"Well, is it like, are those people supposed to be your girlfriends?"

I wonder if Camo's shelter practices things like polygamy where they have to take multiple partners and have an allotted amount of children per person. Then I start thinking about inbreeding, and then I don't want to think anymore. Icky, although it soothes me that he's much too pretty to be the result of inbreeding.

"What? No. I'm technically not supposed to have a girlfriend, in the shelter or otherwise. In the shelter, sex is just sex, there's no love attached to it."

"How many people have you had sex with besides me?"

"Just one. A few months ago, shortly after I turned eighteen."

I'm not really concerned about how many people he's had sex with, since Camo wasn't my first partner either. I'm more concerned about STDs, and I'm trying to figure out how to ask him about that without it sounding like I think he's diseased, which I don't.

"Is there some sort of hospital where you live? If someone gets pregnant?"

"Yeah, there's a clinic and a nursery for babies. There's doctors and nurses that tend to people who are hurt, and for pregnant women."

I'm relieved when I find out that it's not some sort of caveman like ritual to force sex on people. At least they have a facility that attends to medical needs. I still think the sex schedule is horribly wrong.

"Verona? Are you sure you're all right? You look like someone kicked you."

"I'm worried about your shelter, Camo. A lot of the things that they do to you don't seem right."

"Really? I knew I felt like things weren't right! I seriously hate it there. People always make me feel stupid and tell me I shouldn't be questioning anything, but I still do anyway."

All of a sudden, I really want to be in his arms again. I start swimming to the shore, and he follows me.

When we get up to the sand, I almost dive into his arms, but he looks like he's going to ask me a question, so I stop and listen to what he has to say.

"The first time I had sex, I hated it. I didn't like the girl at all. The shelter told me that I should have enjoyed it because liking the girl doesn't matter. When I had sex with you, I felt something different other than just physical pleasure. I can't describe it, but it was like I wanted to stay with you forever. What is that?"

"That's feelings, Camo. It's romance. It's love. Do you know about any of that stuff?"

"Yeah, the romance sounds familiar. I'm taught that romantic feelings are bad because they only lead to sadness and pain. That's also why I'm not supposed to have a girlfriend."

"You're not allowed to feel love just because you might get hurt? That's stupid."

Camo opens his eyes wide like he's just had a revelation.

"That's exactly what I think! I knew I wasn't crazy! When I saw you on the beach as a teenager, I only saw the back of you, but I felt like I wanted to know you. I didn't know why, but then when I saw you again after I applied for the bookstore job, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't understand why I felt the way I did, but when you asked me to be your boyfriend, I knew I wanted to say yes."

I grab Camo's hand and we sit on the beach. The sun has gone down and the cool air against my skin coming from the water is making me a little chilly. There's nothing else I want to do other than be close to him. I'm thinking about what Absolon told me, 'I see how Camo looks at you. That boy loves you.' I think I may have fallen in love with him. I'm looking deep into his eyes right now and his lips are pulled back in that adorable smile of his. He touches my hand and puts his arm around my waist, grabbing me and pulling me close to him. He wraps his other arm around my waist as well and simply hugs me. I lay my head on his chest, hoping he'll never leave.

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I just kissed Titanium. Holy crap. I hope I didn't spook him. Sometimes he's like a deer in headlights. Titanium looks at me, surprised at what I've just done. He doesn't look upset or scared, but he does look a little shocked.

"Titanium? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. That felt so nice! Will you kiss me again?"

He's so adorable, asking me to kiss him. Of course I will kiss you again, baby. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that, but you were always so timid and shy. I'm thinking so much today because I feel like I've finally broken the ice between he and I, but I don't want to do anything to scare him. I knew that he liked being around me, but he was always really scared to open up to me. I put my arms around his neck and hold him close to me. I can feel his heart beating rapidly. I tilt my head so our noses don't smack into each other and press my lips against his.

He exhales deeply and I feel some of his breath in my mouth. I start gently sucking on his bottom lip and then I feel him start kissing me back. He surprises me because he's actually a pretty good kisser for being so shy. I refrain from kissing him deeper because I don't know how he'll take it, but then I feel his tongue playing with my teeth. How did he learn to kiss like that? Obviously he thinks it's fine, so then I let my tongue do what I wanted it to in the first place.

GRUMBLE-GRUMBLE.

I try to ignore the sound of my stomach growling because I want to keep kissing Titanium, but I can't. I'm so hungry right now. I guess since we went to a 5:00pm movie, and it's now 7:00pm, I realize I haven't eaten anything since lunch time. Titanium's lips linger on mine as I pull away slowly. He looks at me with a concerned gaze in his eyes. I can feel him getting scared again, so I leave my arms where they are around his neck, and keep my face close to his as I look at him and smile.

"Are you hungry, Titanium? I'm starving. Do you want to grab a bite to eat?"

"Yeah, sure that sounds good."

We walk to the Silicon Shores Dessert Shop together. The lights of the city shine down on Titanium's blue hair and illuminate the subtle blonde highlights hidden among the blue strands. His hair is so pretty. I love how it hangs down in front of his face. It'll give me an excuse to touch his face when I brush his hair out of his eyes. I buy us each a combo meal and a SnowStorm ice cream dessert. We go and sit outside because it's a nice night.

"Absolon? How did you become homeless? You said your mom was in The Compound for a while, but what about your dad?"

"My dad's an asshole."

I feel like I stunned Titanium with my voice because his eyes opened wide and he's looking at me like he's afraid of me. Maybe it's just the natural low growl that comes out when I think of my dad. It's true that at one point, he did try to work things out with me, but it didn't last.

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Camo feels happier than he's ever felt before with Verona in his arms. He's extremely glad that she was on the beach today. He wanted to find her and apologize sooner, but had no idea where or how to find her. He notices Verona move a little and ask him a question.

"Camo, do you lift weights?"

"No, but I do pushups and situps pretty much every day."

"It really shows, honey. Your arms are amazing. I can't get enough of them."

Verona rolls Camo's sleeve up, exposing his upper arm and tickling him. Camo feels a little turned on and wishes he wasn't wearing this stupid t-shirt. He hasn't noticed any other guys wearing shirts while they go swimming.   

"Wow, that feels so good. How is that tiny little motion making me feel this much?"

"I don't know. I like touching you, Camo."

Verona pushes Camo down on the sand, and puts her head on his chest. He tilts her head up and kisses her, playing with her hair. It's dark and Camo wonders what time it is. When he left this morning, Titanium told him he was going to be hanging out with Absolon today. Camo knows Titanium will be back by 10pm and he knows that Titanium won't report him. He feels Verona's hand under his shirt rubbing his back and he's more positive that he doesn't want to leave. Camo increases the intensity of his kisses, and the location of his hands move from her face to the natural curve of her hips. Verona presses her pelvis against Camo and he slides his hand under her swimsuit bottom, squeezing her butt. Camo feels Verona stop kissing him so he opens his eyes and looks at her. She looks worried again.

"What's the matter, Verona?"

"It's late, don't you need to be back home?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to. I want to stay with you."

Verona gets up and pulls Camo up with her, never breaking physical contact with him. He touches her face, trying to comfort her because she looks terrified.

"I know, and I want you to stay as well, but I don't want you to get punished."

"They won't find out, as long as I'm back before everyone's awake."

"When's that? How are you so sure you can get away with this?"

"People usually get up around 6am, and I'm sure because Titanium will be there. Everyone has roommates because they're supposed to tattle on each other. Titanium is my roommate and he's my lookout. He'll protect me just like I protect him. He won't tell on me."

"Are you sure? I'm not willing to lose you again. I don't ever want to feel the way I did while we were fighting. I don't think I can deal with another scare."

"You never lost me, Verona. I'm pretty sure I love you. I've always loved you, I just didn't know that's what it was, till you explained it today. I'm also sure I don't want to let you go tonight."

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

~ A Thousand Years, by Christina Perri ~

Camo looks at Verona, and she has tears in her eyes.

"You love me? I'm so happy. I love you too! Ok, you convinced me. We can go back to my house, and you can sleep in my bed with me."

"Are your parents going to be mad to see a boy in your bed?"

"I don't know, but I don't care. I need you to stay with me."

Camo gets in Verona's car. He's never seen a car with doors that open like this before, from the top instead of the side. He smiles at Verona and puts his hand on her leg as she drives them to her house. He's in awe of how big her house is. The Compound is big too, but Verona's house is different because it's gorgeously well-lit and the rooms are large instead of tiny.

"I don't have any clothes to sleep in."

Camo realizes he doesn't have any pajamas to sleep in and his swim trunks aren't the most comfortable things on the planet. He notices Verona looking at him as he tries to figure out what to do.

"Why do you need clothes?"

Camo gets turned on again as Verona smiles seductively at him and strips her swimsuit off in front of him. She pushes him down on the bed and undresses him. She gets in bed under the covers, and Camo joins her.

"Verona, you are so sexy."

Verona smiles at Camo again and pulls her pillow over to his side of the bed. She puts her fingers in his hair and massages his scalp. He closes his eyes, enjoying the massage. He feels her tongue enter his mouth and he kisses her back, while touching her bare chest. She puts one leg around him and pushes herself onto him, moving up and down slowly. After they finish simultaneously, Camo holds her close to him and kisses her forehead softly as he drifts off to sleep.

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NOTE: This was sort of a continuation of the same day featured in Chapter 21, which is why there is no interview segment. ~ Late`Knight`Simmer ~