Sunday, September 1, 2013

Chapter 36: Recovery

Music Track - Play if you want to listen. Also, mild nudity.
Late Knight Simmer

How was life after you left The Compound?

It was different. I had to get used to the idea that when someone wanted to talk to me, it wasn't because I was in trouble or because they wanted something from me. It was a little boring at first because without my scheduled class times, I didn't have anything to do. I had never really picked up any hobbies, and I didn't really know what it was that I liked. I didn't know who I was because the entire time I had lived there, I had never tried to find myself. I was a blank slate. Camo adjusted a lot easier because he knew what he wanted, and that was to be in a place where he felt appreciated and free to be himself.

My face had healed from the beating I'd endured, but my mind still had a long way to go before it recovered. Even after spending about a month with Absolon in Verona's house, I was still unable to sleep because I had nightmares that I'd be taken back to The Compound and beaten again. I felt like I was living a dream and that I'd wake up to the alarm signaling that it was class time. I constantly felt like I didn't deserve to be free. I didn't know where that thought came from, especially since I had been taught that I was better than everyone else, but I was suffering from a sense of worthlessness. This particular morning I had put on one of Absolon's shirts because it comforted me. I had felt like I was a bother to him most days so I didn't actively try to ask him to hang out with me.

Absolon came over and sat with me on the couch, putting his arm around me. I loved seeing the concern in his gorgeous eyes, and the way he held me was always so gentle. I felt safe with him, and that was the pure truth. He was so patient with me, all the time, even when I had nightmares, or acted irrationally. Absolon would often suggest things for me to try, which I appreciated, but that feeling that I was a bother to him took a really long time to go away.

"What do you want to do today? Do you want to learn how to play my guitar?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't want to break it."

"You won't. Not unless you plan on slamming it into the ground with all your strength. Don't worry. If you don't like it, that's okay, I just thought maybe we could try to get you a hobby or something."

I nod at Absolon and he pulls out a guitar and hands it to me, looking into my eyes as he does it. He wraps my left hand around the neck of the guitar and places my right hand on the strings. I love his touch, it's always so gentle and his hands are so warm.

"Now, just strum a little bit. You don't have to worry about it sounding like a song, just get the feel of the strings on your fingers."

Even as I start strumming, Absolon keeps his finger on my hand, as if he doesn't want to let it go.

"The strings are really hard. Do you hurt yourself when you're playing for a long time?"

"Not really. I have a guitar pick for the strumming and I do get some callouses on my fingers, but it's not terrible or anything I can't stand. Now, with your left hand, press down on this string, and keep strumming, like this."

Absolon goes behind me and puts his hand around mine, while his other hand goes around my waist. I'm starting to feel like this morning is getting better than it had been.

"Do you want me to play something? You can sit with me."

"Yeah, sure."

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's still an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

Somebody That I Used to Know - by Gotye

I couldn't believe how much my life changed over the next couple of months. I was living with people who actually cared about me and wanted to see me happy rather than control my every move. It was relieving not to worry about whether I was going to be tattled on, and even more exciting that I didn't have to walk on eggshells all the time. Eventually, the guilt that I had done something wrong by running away from The Compound wore off and I was able to see that I had made the best decision of my life. Pretty soon, I put The Compound behind me and they just became people that I used to know, except for Barry.

Barry was still fresh in my mind. The hate in his eyes when he pushed me against the bookcase that day and forced me to have sex with him still resonated at the front of my mind. I had nightmares that he would come find me and assault me again. It was putting me off from taking the next step in my relationship with Absolon, which was contradictory because I wanted nothing more than to be intimate with him. Absolon never pressured me thankfully, and I knew it was because he knew what I'd been through. There were many times I wanted to, especially any time I saw Absolon shirtless, but I always stopped myself. My whole life I had never had a good sexual experience, and I was fearful that it just meant I wasn't capable of enjoying it, that somehow I wasn't worth it. Deep down, I still felt like a piece of garbage that needed to be thrown away.

Have you gotten over those feelings of worthlessness since then, and how did you figure out your love life?

Yes, for the most part. Sometimes the feelings surface, but they don't linger for more than a day or two anymore. As for my love life, one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to do more with Absolon than just kiss and hug him. I took a chance, and told him that I was scared, but that I really wanted it. He was hesitant at first because he didn't want to scare me, but he came up with an idea that worked perfectly.

I was having one of my more confident days since the escape, and Absolon had just bent over to pick something up off the floor. All I could do was stare at him. His jeans were really tight and I wanted to see what he looked like without them. I'd had days like this before, where I wanted to kiss him and have it lead to something more, but I always stopped myself. In my head, I was giving myself a pep talk about why I didn't need to be afraid of my own boyfriend, who'd been nothing but gentle to me. I don't even know how long I was concentrating on the talk, but all of a sudden Absolon was standing in front of me. I made my way over to him and kissed him harder than I usually did.

I was afraid I was going to chicken out again, but because I really didn't want to, I put my hands under Absolon's shirt, as a way to tell him that I really did want more.

"Hi, Titanium."

Absolon smiled seductively at me and hugged me to his body. He didn't do anything more, even though I knew he was excited with what I was doing. I didn't blame him because I had told him how rough Barry was with me, and that I was terrified of being held and groped like that.

"Absolon, I want to... but I don't know how to prevent myself from stopping halfway through if something triggers the bad memories."

"What about this? What if you initiate everything? I won't do anything except what you tell me to."

What Absolon said was like music to my ears. I was so happy that I was going to get the chance to take the next step in our relationship without any fear that I would be hurt again.

Now that I was given free reign to do whatever I wanted to Absolon, I knew the first thing I wanted was to see his chest, so I quickly unbuttoned his shirt. I continued making out with him ditching my clothing as I led him over to the bed, where I straddled him and rubbed his chest.

Once he was on the bed, I remembered how much I had wanted to see him without any pants on, so that was the next thing that fell to the floor. I looked at Absolon and he was smiling at me, obviously liking what I was doing. I climbed on the bed, leaning down to kiss Absolon. He put his arms around my neck and lifted his left leg to rest it on my hip. I looked into his eyes, smiling at him.

As we were making out, I felt Absolon against me and I wanted to show him how much I appreciated him. His breathing became more ragged and heavy as I held him in my mouth. I was feeling like I was ready for more so I slowly removed myself from him, and he let out a pleasure filled moan. He laid there with his eyes closed for a moment, but then he opened them and smiled at me.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do as far as positions went, so I just decided to go with the standard missionary position. I got on top of Absolon and put my hands on the bed. He looked at me with his gorgeous pink eyes and I kissed his mouth as I entered him. Absolon put his hands on my shoulders and continued his heavy breathing. I rocked my body back and forth on him, until I suddenly felt a build up of pressure that had happened the first time I was intimate with Abilene in the Intimacy Room, but this time it didn't feel forced. I didn't have to think about it feeling good, it just naturally did.

When the pressure relieved itself, I put my face next to Absolon's and kissed his cheek. He and I were both panting, and we laid there with our eyes closed for a few minutes.

"Thank you, Absolon, for not pressuring me."

"I wouldn't dream of it. Did you enjoy that?"


After that, any time we had sex, Absolon would let me do what I was comfortable with until I told him otherwise. It worked like a charm and I was eventually able to get over being raped. Barry no longer plagued my dreams, I realized I was capable of enjoying sex, and the best part of it was that I stopped feeling like a used piece of garbage.


  1. Awwww, that love scene was just perfect. I'm actually speechless, and soooooo happy right now :-D.

    1. Hi Marsar! =D I'm glad you liked this. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

  2. ... ok, now that this is perfectly settled, I can not help but wonder if they actually went to see the cops about what happened.
    Because, I don´t want to get certain people get away with what they have done. Not mentioning names here at all.
    You know who I am talking about ^^

    1. That *ahem* jerkface that did that one thing to Titanium? Well, sadly, as it happens in real life assault situations, since Titanium didn't go to the police ON the day he got assaulted, right after it happened, most DNA and other evidence would have been washed away in showers Titanium took after it happened.
      They did go to the cops and did what they could do, which was file a restraining order against The Leader so that if he did find them somehow, he can't drag them back there without himself getting arrested.
      Unless that jerkface does it again, and his next victim goes to the cops in time, it is quite possible he will get away with it.

    2. Ts. Blueskinned and violeteyed people, and NOW you need to get all realistic? *g*

    3. LOL, anna! I see your point, but the content of this story is supposed to be serious, and I don't know why Titanium is blue, LOL. I just felt like it apparently when I created him.

    4. Hey, I was just kidding *g*

      Btw, I once got scolded for adding an unrealistic element to my first, basically very realistic story. I dared let someone talk to a vampire ^^
      Speaking of which, are actually all pictures from old stories that were created in CAS lost?!

    5. Well that's good. LOL. I figured your internet *g* meant you were kidding. Wow, you got scolded for adding vampires? Hm. LOL. Vampires seem to be really popular.
      As for your question, I think if you haven't deleted the pictures they should still be there... unless I'm misunderstanding your question. =)

    6. Hm. The pics are still in the media section of my studio, and the story chapters are still in the movies and more section. But if you click on any but the last four or five, the stories will show no pictures.
      This happened a few weeks ago, and I was hoping for the stories to function again, but apparently... it will not happen

    7. Oh you meant on the Sims site? Hmm I don't know, I don't use that site much for stories, to be honest. I guess it's possible since there are so many users on the site that things get deleted over time. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. ;)

    8. *lol*
      I think you are right, most likely it was a major cleanout. I just wished they had actually removed the skeletons of the stories, too- would have spared me the time to do it.

    9. Haha, yeah probably. It doesn't make sense that they'd delete just the pictures, LOL, it just causes the story to look broken. It would be nice if they'd delete everything if they're going to do that. LOL. :/ Sorry that happened.

  3. I'm glad Titanium is finally recovering from being raped. It's sad how worthless he felt, but that's common for rape victims. =(
    Absolon has been very caring and loving, and I'm sure that helped him a lot.

    1. Hi yang! =) Yay, Titanium is finally realizing he's worth it because Absolon has been really nice and given him time to heal. Absolon has felt worthless before himself, and he knows that people telling him to suck it up and get over it were not effective at making him feel better, so he didn't do that to Titanium, which helped a lot. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  4. Awww.. Titanium makes me so happy. I'm really glad to see that he's over the situation with Barry and he's able to be with Absolon now, and in more ways than one ;) They're so cute together T_T
    I can't wait to see how Camo came out from all of this and see how Verona and him are doing :D Well, obviously they're doing well, since this whole thing is a flashback, but I wanna know how they are IN the flashback, does that make sense? LOL
    Loved it.

    1. Haha, I'm glad you liked it. Titanium and Absolon are sweet together, aren't they? Hehe. It made me happy to write that they're doing well considering their less than happy first encounter when Absolon stormed off after yelling. LOL, yeah, it does make sense that you want to see how Camo and Verona are doing in the flashback. Eeee, I'm excited to write about Camo, he's always so romantic without knowing it. ;) Thanks for reading and commenting. =)

  5. Its so good to see Titanium happy. Absolon is such a good guy for him, really gentle and sweet, which is totally what he needs. I liked that song too, btw. :) I love that you went back to the interview format. I love that :) Cause with such a deep serious story line, its good to know that he has a future and it looks very bright. Kind of attached to these characters. LOL

    1. Eeee, Titanium and Absolon make me happy. LOL. I love that song too it's so cool. Aww, that's cool that you get wrapped up in the story that sometimes it looks bleak. Some chapters I didn't really know how to fit the interview segments in without it being wierd or forced, so I left them out. =) I did do this story as a flashback because it's so serious though, keeping in mind for myself and readers that all the characters are fine and happy, despite all the bullshit they went through.

  6. I was sneaking a look at the latest Max chapter thing on the blogger dashboard and realized that somehow this chapter got lost in the shuffle.

    Anyway, not done reading it, but I have to say right away that I'm tickled pink, purple and periwinkle that you used that guitar pose with one standing in front of the other one so well! When I made it, I was like, 'This is so stupid. No one is ever going to need something like this.' But you did! :D

    back to reading....
    Well, I never imagined that pose used that way. It works tho!

    k, time for me to stop talking about my freakin poses.

    That was an incredibly moving chapter! I'm so glad that Titanium finally got out of his shell. The Compound hurt him worse than Camo, obviously. Abs was awesome for his patience. That's not always the easiest thing to do. And then to let Titanium do what he wanted was so great of him. :D

    It's good to see that Titanium is well on the road to recovery.

    1. Awww T_T haha, I'm glad you enjoyed the way I used your poses, both sets! Confession, when I went to your pose site to see what was new, and saw that guitar set, I was like *light bulb* Absolon has a guitar! That would be perfect for him and Titanium! LOL. Yess, haha, I figured "that pose" would work for whatever Sims decided to do *ahem* "that." ROFL.
      Absolon had been through a lot of bullshit too, so he knew how to give Titanium space and time because that's how he got over all that happened to him. They're a great couple. I love them together. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, mypalsim! =)

  7. Ahem. Well, I'm glad they got to the next level in their relationship #^,^#

    1. I would like to add, this all seems too easy. I don't feel like The Leader or the Compound will let them go so easily...

    2. Yeah! Finally they get to be comfortable enough with each other to share that part of life together. =)
      Well, yeah, it may seem too easy, that just a simple restraining order can keep The Leader away, but in this case it works. The Leader only really has power over people who choose to remain under his control. He can get away with all the illegal stuff he wants in The Compound because no one will stand up to him. Once people run away, The Leader really can't do anything. If he breaks the restraining order, he'll get arrested, and there's a chance his crimes would come to light. It seems very simple, but The Leader is smart and he knows once people run away, he has lost them. This is why he tries his best not to have them run away in the first place. =)
      Also, I feel like this story is running its course, and I am almost done with it. T_T It's a very bittersweet feeling, haha. I think maybe I have three chapters at the most that I could make with it before it's finale.
      Thanks so much for reading and commenting. =)

  8. It is good that things are looking up. I am surprised that Mr Leader hasn't tried to take Camo and Titanium back. Maybe the fear of a real reality is too much for Mr Leader... I really want to see him and Barry drown for what they've done.

    1. Ha well The Leader doesn't actually give a shit about residents who actually leave. He is just being a typical cult leader, and counting on their paranoia, fear of being caught, or guilt for leaving, to send them right back into his grasp. Some residents leave and can't stand the feeling that they've betrayed their leader so they just go right back.

  9. It was such a shame that Titanium was feeling that way after he left the Compound but at least he over came it and overcame Barry's wrong doings. Absolon was so sweet in this chapter and it was nice to see them enjoy each other in a non-forceful or awkward way. :)

    1. Yes, for Titanium, being removed from The Compound gave him a chance to actually feel the damage they'd done to him. All the things he had to do in The Compound distracted him from real thoughts, which is yet another tactic to control people. Now that he's been given a completely clean slate, he doesn't know how to feel.
      Lucky for him, he has a wonderful boyfriend who has been through similar feelings of worthlessness, just for a different reason, and Absolon knew how to handle someone when they're feeling like that.


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